Maria & Mike

I was a traditional Italian girl who had my whole life planned out: the university, Teachers College, marriage, and children. Everything was great; I accomplished everything I wanted to do except get married early and have children. After I completed Teachers College, I worked on finding a job. I did about two years of supply teaching and finally found my permanent teaching position with the Toronto School Board. I felt as if my life was complete until I realized that something was missing.

That something was someone to share my success with. It was not easy finding someone that I would connect with not only emotionally but on an intellectual level as well. After many trials and errors, I decided to put dating on hold. Instead I focused on wanting to get healthy, and so I decided to join a local gym. I worked out about five times a week and never really thought that I would meet someone at the gym, but I did! The gym was the place where I met the most amazing man I have ever known.

My husband, Mark, is the most thoughtful, hard-working and caring man that I have ever met. Life is easy with him; he is funny, charismatic and extremely charming. We have so much fun, we can be ourselves and not worry about anything. After two years of dating, Mark proposed to me on Mother’s Day. How ironic that it would be on that day, the one day that is most important to women no matter where you come from. Our engagement was not long and drawn out because we really knew that we wanted to be together. After five months, we were married! We got married on October 30^th 2010.

The shocking news

I never thought that I would have trouble having children; after all, I come from a family of five siblings. Because Mark and I were a little older (not 20 something) and we wanted to start a family sooner than later, I decided to make an appointment to see my family doctor. Mark and I have never had children so I wanted to make sure that everything was okay. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that my doctor would find anything wrong with me in the fertility department. I was quite wrong in my thinking because she did find something wrong.

My test results revealed high FSH levels with low ovarian reserve. Imagine my shock when I was told the news on that beautiful summer day back in July of 2011 that I would never be able to conceive. As a teen, I had very painful and heavy periods. In my late twenties, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and had surgery twice, but I did not think that I would never be able to have children. For a second, I thought that I was in some horrible nightmare and that I would eventually wake up. But it was not a nightmare; it was my reality.

To say the least, I was speechless; words could not come out of my mouth. I tried to speak but began sobbing instead. Minutes felt like hours, and my doctor went on to say that I should have had children in my twenties because now it is too late. I was shocked and appalled as she made her way to the door and left me there crying. As I left the office hysterically upset, I felt that I was judged and that sure, if my life plan was to have children in my twenties, then I would have done that! I felt that I was letting my husband down and that I was not giving him a chance at parenthood. I was afraid to tell him and worried how he would feel. But he cried, not for him, but for me. Even in this moment, he worried about me and not himself.

Fighting for parenthood

That day was the day I started my journey to become a mom. I could have easily accepted my doctor’s prognosis and just accept that I waited too long, but that is not who I am. I fought hard to achieve my goals, and I was not about to walk away from the one goal I still had to achieve: motherhood. And so I began my research on infertility. As I sit here today, I am thankful for not giving up on my dreams of being a mother. That dreadful day in the doctor’s office was the day that I learned to fight for what I want and never give up until I achieve my dream of being a mother and my husband a father.

I have undergone IVF with Shady Grove Fertility three times. I was successful all three times, however, I miscarried each time, and the furthest I got was almost seven weeks. It is the most frustrating thing to have happen because just when you think you are successful, it happens again. I have cried many times, and have endlessly looked for answers. Unfortunately, no answers are found and what makes it even harder is that it is unexplained.

Sometimes I find myself thinking that maybe it is not in the cards for me, after all I am only human, but then I think back and realize that I am not a quitter because I could have quit on day one, but I didn’t. I realize that I am a fighter, and I will continue to fight for what I want. My husband has been very supportive through this all; he is an amazing man, my gift from above. With him by my side, I never feel lost. Mark never says no to me and whatever I want to do to try to help improve my chances, he supports.

On the right track

Today I continue to put my faith and trust in my medical team at Shady Grove Fertility, and I believe that eventually, I will hold that baby in my arms. I look at these trials as obstacles that I must overcome to make me stronger for motherhood. I look at every challenge as just one step closer to the end result. I believe that as much as I want to be successful, so do my doctors and nurses at Shady Grove Fertility. I have faith and it is what keeps me going, Faith in above and faith and trust in my medical team. I am blessed to be working with such a talented medical staff and am grateful for all their support.

Currently, I am continuing my treatment with Shady Grove Fertility. Mark and I have taken a break since our last miscarriage back in August but are now in the process of beginning a new cycle. We are very excited but nervous at the same time. I am currently seeing a Naturopath and am learning to eat healthy and doing acupuncture. It has really helped me stay calm and focused. We are aiming for another IVF in the spring.

Mark and I are doing wonderfully well and despite all our disappointments, we are really happy. We enjoy every moment that life has to offer and find pleasure in the simplest things. There are days when I begin to get down, but he is always there to pick me up. One of the most important things is that you are always there to pick each other up when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Maria’s advice

I would advise my friend to seek help and not be afraid of what she may hear. Too many times, we are afraid to admit that there is a problem because society instills the belief that having children should be easy. Believe me, I was afraid to hear the news too, but once you pass that hurdle, then you can put your strength in finding solutions. Never give up on your dreams of being a mother!