We all know the best advice comes from someone who has walked in our shoes. As we approach the holidays in the next few weeks, read this advice from current and past patients on the best ways to find the joy in your life during the holidays!
Tara: I coped by helping others by volunteering and giving to those less fortunate; it made me feel so good!! I also spent time with loved ones and tried not to think about myself too much.
Alice: The holidays for me always seemed to be the worst. Everyone came around, and they all had their children and of course I didn’t…there was no way to avoid the situation. I had two nephews and a niece plus all my cousins had children. I was literally the only one without a child.
I tried to keep my focus on the future. As much as I doubted that I would ever have biological children, somewhere deep down I knew I would be a mother. I knew I would have the experience everyone else was enjoying; it was just a matter of when.
I tried to enjoy the company of the kids in my family. I spoiled them with gifts, took tons of pictures, and spent hours playing with them. I know that sounds strange considering the rest of the year I avoided them like the plague because it was too hard and being around them made me cry, but for some reason embracing them made the holidays easier to enjoy. I guess I kind of felt like – if you can’t beat them join them. There was no escaping the dozen children running around me so I might as well embrace it. Which is what I wanted to do but it was hard to do while going through infertility.
At the holidays, we are supposed to be thankful for what we already have and appreciate the gifts we have already been given. It’s definitely hard to do that while struggling to have a child, but in order to get through the difficult times, try to stay positive. I was a very negative person when we started struggling with infertility, but thankfully God gave me a very positive and encouraging husband who taught me a lot throughout the process.
Jasmine: Getting through the holidays was always very difficult. When I became a more “seasoned” fertility challenged person, I learned that I had to make personal boundaries. I learned not to feel pressured to do it all, and it is ok not to accept every holiday invitation. I also focused on family traditions that involved only my husband and myself or stuck with adult only parties. If you don’t protect yourself and your emotions, you might have a difficult time getting through the holidays. I also had a few responses prepared to questions that people who didn’t know us would ask about our family building situation. This made me feel prepared and protected.
Jessica: I had a lot of family support. I was very open with my extended family about going through IVF. One of my aunts used SGF over 17 years ago in order to become pregnant with her first child, so it was great to be able to talk to her about my struggles when we were going through treatment. We were in the midst of an IVF cycle during the holidays. I found the more open I was with family and friends the more relaxed I became throughout all of the shots and then the two week wait. I started my shots in November 2012 and found out the week before Christmas we were pregnant with our daughter. Best Christmas gift in the whole world! We are blessed to be able to spend our first Thanksgiving and Christmas with her this year.
Jennifer: The holidays can definitely be hard to get through when battling infertility. It’s easy for the whole season to get jumbled up, but it helps to just deal with each holiday as it comes. The holidays tend to be about family, but instead of thinking of the family you are trying to start, think of and enjoy the family (including friends) you already have. I found at times I would have to be selfish and protect myself by maybe skipping an event that I knew would upset me. People will understand, and if they don’t, they will get over it! It also helped me to know that the season is temporary and would pass, so looking forward to any good things I had coming up kept me going.
Kerry: I treated the holidays like any other month and kept powering on. I do believe that some women should stop for the month, and I usually never advise that since I think it’s best to keep going so you don’t lose momentum. But for some, the holiday season is just a reminder that they are childless. So surround yourself with family and friends, and just eat, relax, and enjoy all the comforts of the holidays. Don’t add to the stress by having shots and a dozen doctor appointments. Let go for just this month and spoil yourself.
Isabella: We tried to protect ourselves by limiting holiday interactions that might be uncomfortable and doing fun stuff together. Sometimes that meant declining group invitations, but it helped. Also, we set boundaries on what was acceptable for conversation, so that those nosy relatives asking when we were having kids were avoided, or we used conversation ending statements.
Lesley: The holidays can be a really tough time if you are struggling with infertility. Even though it’s hard, you still have to remember that holidays are supposed to be a happy time for everyone, including those struggling with infertility. One thing that I did to help me stay happy and upbeat was treating myself to something special. I found out that my first IVF cycle was unsuccessful two days before Thanksgiving, so the time between then and Christmas, I treated myself to extra gifts. One thing in particular was a pair of fuzzy slippers. So even though I might have been moping around the house a little bit, I was doing it comfortably. I still have those slippers, and I still wear them. Only now when I wear them, they remind me of that time but not of sadness. They remind me to be grateful and happy for what I do have. Now when I wear them, I think of my two beautiful Shady Grove Fertility miracles, and I say thank you for helping those hard times pass.
Another thing that I did was I tried to find the positives in celebrating without children. I was able to go out and attend events that I wouldn’t have been able to take children to and all the while I would tell myself, ‘I need to enjoy this now because this will be my last holiday without a baby.’ I think that it is important even during the holidays to just celebrate and live in the moment, but always keep the faith that you will have success one way or another in having your family. Good luck, ladies, and happy holidays!
Lindsey: The holidays can be very tough and affect people in different ways. It also depends on who you spend time with and what they know about your situation. Last Thanksgiving, we were going through our fourth IUI and found out that it had not worked right after the holiday. We were devastated. I was looking on Shady Grove Fertility’s website for something, anything that would give me hope. And that is when I found a support group. I thought that I would give it a try once, and if nothing else, it would help us get through the holidays. A support group is great at the holidays. We met in December and heard everyone’s feelings about the holidays, what they were worried about, how they planned on dealing with things, etc. We enjoyed it so much that we went back in January and heard about what happened and how people dealt with the holidays. The support group was probably the best thing that we did, and joining at holiday time was perfect for us!
Christine: We scheduled our first appointment with Shady Grove Fertility in early January, so we were very focused on that and what the next year hopefully would hold. We kept busy with preparing and traveling for the holidays and just kept hoping that the next year would bring us joy (and it did).
Meghan: Getting through the holidays is always tough, but it is doable. Do what you want for the holidays. Don’t add any extra pressure on yourself. If the family and friends you will be celebrating the holidays with are aware of the fertility issues you are having, ask that they not bring it up in conversation. If someone isn’t aware of your situation but does bring up the dreaded question, “So when are you going to have a baby?”, try to have a response ready and change the subject as quickly as possible.
- Patient Advice: The Hardest Part of Fertility Treatment
- Submit Your Questions About Fertility to the Panel
If you have questions about fertility or are ready to schedule an appointment at Shady Grove Fertility, please speak with one of our New Patient Liaisons at 877-971-7755.
